He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
