I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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