Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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