she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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