it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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