Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize