i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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