ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
