i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
