Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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