I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she pinky promised me she was 18
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
