I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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