i think i have two assholes
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
