theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
