Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
