Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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