addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
