Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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