im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
