I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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