I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
