i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just high enough for therapy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
