Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
