i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
