To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
