If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
