i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize