Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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