Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
