Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
