In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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