so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize