I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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