i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My feet surprised me
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