We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
