Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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