well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
