i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
