Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
