SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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