Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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