The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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