That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
