guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
