so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
why do cheetos always look like penises
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize