it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
