Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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