fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
