Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize