i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
