i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
