So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
