No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
