Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You took a bar mat shot.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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