does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
