I hope mine doesn't look like that
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
