I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
