Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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