just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
