I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
