it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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