Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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