I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
