R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
