whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
