Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
