the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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