he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
