what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
