Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
