So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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