I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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