I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He better not be in your backpack
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
