they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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