I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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