I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
