Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize