I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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