the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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