She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
