I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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