I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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