so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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