there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
