In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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