i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
