I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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