just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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