Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We named our party play list daddy issues
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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