i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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